Are you in an abusive relationship

Are you in an abusive relationship?

No wives were hurt in the making of this post. This post is satirical in nature and is simply meant to illustrate a point

Attention Erin (my wifey) – your health and safety are my highest priorities

I’m giving you an approved list of reasons for which you’re allowed to leave the house. Otherwise, you are not allowed to leave our home

If you do go out, you must cover your face so that no one can see you or communicate with you

I am no longer allowing you to run your own business or earn your own money

I am also not allowing you to visit your friends or family – especially on major holidays like Christmas or Easter or Thanksgiving

Going to the gym, meeting your friends for dinner or drinks or playing sports is no longer something I can allow you to do

If you leave the country with or without my permission, you must take a series of tests upon your return. And until I am confident that you pose me no viral or disease danger, you must stay locked in a medical quarantine facility for 2 weeks. But don’t worry, it’s a nice place which serves great food

When I do allow you to go out, you must download a safety tracking app which notifies me of anyone you come into contact with and for how long

Hey wifey, am I doing enough to keep you safe?
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